Life just gets to me....

I don't know why I let things get to me sometimes.
Work:
I have managers that are not pulling their weight at all. One of which is suppose to be my second in command. I need to be able to rely on these women to run the store properly. She seems to think its no big deal to "forget" to get her stuff done.

 My Repl Mgr bust her ass but doesn't make her team...so that causes work for others in the store. They are always leaving a mess and freight for ?? to clean up. Maybe with the 7 days of replenishment they will get it. I hope so.

So much work to be done. I need to be able to count on my managers. Don't get me wrong my full time CEM is awesome. I don't know what I would do without her. And my new part time CEM I think will be a huge help. I have my Full time CEM training her :)

I hate the feeling my boss is going to come in and freak on me. I am doing my best...I can't do everything.

Home:
Hubby has put his notice in at work. Scared shitless about that. We are finally at a good place....the inheritance is gone so there is no net if this doesn't work out. I'm not even sure what his plan is? I hate the uncertainty.

I got stopped last night by a dick...I mean state trooper. I had sped up coming out of a 45 going into a 55...I was clocked doing 61 supposedly. $90 and he was a dick. I had a warning back in Feb. and I must not have learned from that incident. I was in the hubby's truck. I won't lie I did start speeding up before I should have. He was sitting in the middle of the turn lane no lights on...as soon as I saw him I slowed back down but supposedly he had already clocked me. I had just pulled away from a light so I don't know maybe he clocked me... I don't know. DO I fight it and it cost me more? UGH my son's solution is that I should slow down. I can not wait until he starts driving...I am sure that is not the right way to feel.

My BabyGirl has been having medical issues :( From what she has said as long as she follows the dr. orders she should be fine. They are going to keep a check on her. I am still worried over her. I know she is an adult but I guess its a mommy thing. I wonder if my Mom felt this way when I moved to DE when I was 19?

I did get a chance to spend sometime with my Baby Brother last week. It was nice. Poor guy was dead tired from all the hours had been pulling. We only got a few hours but I felt it was quality time.

Life is just  blah right now for me...I feel like all I do is work. It will only get worse soon.
 10/18/13

Sunday morning...my day off

I should be in bed fast asleep but no I am up and have been for several hours. I am way to dedicated to my job. I got up to give instructions to my Replen Mgr and somehow ended up in an argument with one of the associates on facebook. grrrrrr

I am done with stupid shit like this. I am not their friend I am their boss. Today is it. They will work what I schedule them and if they can not handle it then they don't work. Its not my problem certain ones have a beef with others, Thats their problem not mine or my managers.

I am tired of giving up my personal time for people that have know respect or desire to be a team player. If that is wrong of me so be it....its how its going to be.

My family deserves more from me and I need to give them the time they deserve.

Its one thing for my boss to ask me to give of my time to help out another store in need....

Fall is almost here

Summer is almost over....Liz is all moved back into her dorm....Connor started back to school. Everything should be able to get back to a normal schedule..

Work is exhausting....so much to do so little time to do it. I keep finding myself working longer and longer hours to compensate. I finally was able to get my problem manager transferred to a store that she will be less of a problem. Now to get my current managers fully trained in their positions so that they can take on some of the burdens of the store.

Peak season is coming....Soon enough we wont even have enough time to think much less do...it will have to be all second nature.I have to make sure I have as many people hired as I can. More staff means less chance of being short handed :) well that's the theory.

Auditor is in the area...DM is on vacation...new staff..son is on the couch sick.and I feel like shit. Great day, right. Rest today, give instructions..let my crew show me what they can do and trust them....oh and pray it all will work out Do.Not stress out DO! Not stress out!...

Ok I am stressing but I am going to stop..... well try to stop right now!

Meeks Temper not a very good excuse....

I have a problem with my temper at times. I can throw out there that I am Irish, that I am a Meeks or whatever...none of it is a real reason to allow myself to loose my temper the way I do sometimes. My kids deal with it and go on...they have learned to let me cool down and then all is good. I genuinely feel bad afterwards and apologize for getting so upset over what ends up being nothing. My kids love me very much and have learned not to take it personal....

My Husband on the other hand takes it very personal and does not let it go. If I argue back at him for any reason its personal to him...I am attacking him personally. I do say the stupidest things at times and sometimes I am very hurtful...in the moment I feel I am justified, I am defending myself in someway. Not saying it is right. He also says things...he feels he is being attack so he defends himself. Sometimes he comes back at me very harshly, other times he shuts down completely and refuses to have anything to do with me. And for him the hard feelings don't go away. He holds on to them.

After I calm down (which is usually with in minutes) I am always regretful of the incident....I don't know why I allow myself to get so worked up. Even now as I am typing this I want to defend myself for the argument last night.

I want to re-hash it to prove I wasn't meaning to attack him only having a heated discussion over a movie. I feel he talks at me about stuff like this but not with me. Usually I don't say much during conversation like this but for some unknown reason last night I felt the need to open my big ass mouth and started an argument...to the point I waved my finger in the air (not actually in his face but he felt it was in his face) trying to make my point. I was wrong I should not have gotten so excited. We both had our opinion about the subject...I cooled down and was fine. He slept on the couch and is still not talking to me. Is it suppose to be like this?

Why can my kids understand me but the man I have been married to for over 15 years not? I hate this. I feel like a horrible person. I hate that he is upset with me and I hurt his feeling again. He is the one person in my life that I cannot stand to be upset with me. It physically hurts me to have him not talking to me. He means so much to me and in his eyes I treat him like a punching bag....he got those words from me the last time we had an argument like this--it was true then, I had had a extremely bad day I thought he was razzing me about an incident the night before and went off--really over the top off. I was very ashamed of myself once I calmed down.

I don't know how to control this. I am afraid he is going to leave me if I cannot figure away to stop doing this. I don't want to lose him. Especially not over something as stupid as me not controlling my temper. I am no better than my Dad. I may not physically abuse my husband but he feels emotionally abused by me.

When it rains,,,,,,,

The weather a of late has been so unusual say the least. Its great for my store, the more it rains more people need something to do..Yes I can help you find something to do!

I have some issue I am working on at work. My dream team is still a work in progress. The manager I thought was a god send has turned into the biggest pain in the ass!

I finally have all the managers in place now to get the right associates in place, I don't know what else to say tonight....I have had a hellish day and I am dosing off,,

depression....

I have so many things in my head that I want to say but can not seem to get to come out on to the page.

I hate the way I feel right now. All I see is blue, I am surrounded by it. I want to be happy and to enjoy life. So many things seem to be bringing me down.

Why can't I figure this out. I want to scream at the top of my lungs and stomp my feet. I know that would not help.....I am so tired of chasing my tail on this.

All I want is to have a happy family, a career that is satisfying and life that I am proud of.

I don't know...I have so much I should be thankful for but all I see right now is blue.

Super Bowl Sunday

Interesting day....I took the weekend off to prepare my Babygirl for going back to college then realized it was also Super Bowl weekend...wow

Baltimore Ravens has 2 UofD alumni players...

Super Hens

UD alums Flacco, Gradkowski to compete in Super Bowl XLVII

Quarterback Joe Flacco and offensive lineman Gino Gradkowski, who both earned All-American honors for the Blue Hens during their stellar playing careers in Newark,
This is some serious stuff for us!

Move in day and the Super Bowl....what the hell were they thinking.  Liz is all packed up and on her way back. She is hoping to be settled in as quick as possible so she can join in on some Super Bowl festivities somewhere.

I teared up when she left...I am going to miss her but I know she needs to spread her wings. She has a new roommate this semester...which happens to be her best friend. She has classes with Stephanie so that will make it easier for her. I think part of her issues last semester she was lonely.

I have mentioned the Super Bowl and Babygirl next work....you knew it was coming don't act like you didn't....

I got a call about 9:40ish from my Ops Mgr informing me that my Replen Mgr handed in his keys this morning. No notice no nothing just quit. And honestly thought that once I found out I would beg him not to quit....yeah about that last part nope! Not happening... If he did not care enough about our Store and his crew I am not worried about him. Everyone is replaceable.

Of all weeks to quit like that...man oh man. First week of the new year and a shit ton of pogs to be set this week...wow! That's alright...we will get through and probably better off anyway. Not going to stress over it.

So now on to enjoy my day off.....Super Bowl pregame coverage...learning a lot about New Orleans to start, then to dig into the teams and predictions. I can't wait. I love the commercials, the half time show and good hard hitting football...

Ravens vs 49ers.....today I am a Ravens fan...not a diehard Ravens fan but enough to cheer for them today...I will always be a Falcons girl!

 

First post in a while

Forgive me for it has been a while since my last post....its not that I don't have anything to say.....its finding the time to get out.

I seem to always be on the go lately. Its February for goodness sakes already wow!

I have had so many thoughts in my head the last several weeks that I wanted to blog about but never sat down to do it....grr and of course I can not think of what they were to save my life??????

I suppose I will just update you on life...

It has been an interesting week, it snowed the first part of the week then it was in the high 70's then it snowed again and today it is barely in the teens but the groundhog didn't see his shadow so spring is right around the corner....hopefully. Driving in snow and ice all the way to OC is not fun at all! Maybe if I had better tires and 4wd it would be.

My store is doing fairly well! I had an LP audit this week. It went OK not as well as I would have liked but I did learn a lot. By the time she comes back we will be 100% ready!

Still working the different personalities at work. When I think I have everyone figured out I realize nope not yet. I am becoming  better at it....follow follow follow up even on the ones that have been there for years! They seem to be the ones fucking me at the moment.

My daughter goes back to college tomorrow...mixed feelings. I will miss her but we seem to be butting heads. She is a grown woman that needs to make her own decisions not have her Mommy do it for her. She needs to be more responsible for herself and her life. I am frustrated with her and its my own fault really. She is a great daughter but she is not a little girl anymore.

My son on the other hand...needs to realize I am still his Mommy and I do make decisions for him like it or not. In some ways he is way to grown up and in other omg wtf!

next subject:
MY poor hair :( I don't remember if I told you about the fuck up with my hair right before I went to Dallas....hubby didn't like it blonde he wanted it back to my normal color, he helped pick out a color he liked.....it came out pumpkin orange. No lie pumpkin orange, needless to say I could not leave it that color. I got what I thought would be a safe over the counter box hair dye...nice and easy foam. OMG it fried my hair. I was having to put heavy amounts of conditioner in to keep it from looking like straw. Anyway..the dye faded out with in a week or so....but I was too afraid to dye it again ( I still am). I've decided to buy an expensive treatment for it then get it chopped off. I hate to say it but I am going to let it go natural. I am going to be gray. I hate the idea but what other choice do I have really? I don't want it to fall out.

Oh big news....I am talking to my baby brother. After 19 years finally found him again. He is 24 now and a little on the wild side. He is a good man that has lived a tough life...in the shadows of the legend of my father....legends are always so much more greater than the actual truth. Talk about a fucked up life...damn. Maybe with us reconnecting I can help him along the right road instead of the road our father and sister have gone.

ok I think that is enough for now....it was a bunch of rambling anyway.

New Beginnings...

Things sometime happen fast for my family. Its amazing how we have gone from not knowing how we are going to pay the bills to moving into a brand new home. You just never know how things are going to work out.

Sometimes you just have to have faith in whatever you believe in. I am not a church going Christian but I do believe in God and what he can do. I don't want to be a hypocrite.  I was brought up to have faith and that is what I lean on in times of trouble...and I praise in times of good fortune. I do not push my beliefs off on anyone or condemn others for theirs. My beliefs are evolving as I am learning and growing.

My life is finally coming together. My family seems to be doing well.  New Beginnings for a New Year. 2013 may finally be my year