what if I'm not enough

I'm sure it's all in my head. I'm sure there's nothing wrong. I'm sure I'm just being over sensitive. But right now all I want is reassurance. I want to be hugged and told I'm enough, that we are good. I want real time together. I want to feel wanted, desired, like I am enough. 

I'm afraid to have a conversation because what if I'm not enough 🥹

fast forward.....

I don't even know the last time I blogged. My life has changed so much the last couple of years. I'm still battling migraines and chronic pains and dark days but my life is fuller now. I had someone come back into my life and pulled me out of my dungeon of darkness. No things are perfect but I love him. 

There are days I wonder about our relationship. He has had a rough life when it's come to women and he sees us as all the same... He's has a wall up, which is understandable to a point. He persued me and I was scared to death of being hurt again. We made promises to each other early on. Sometimes I think he regrets getting into a serious relationship with me. He tries to push me away and makes comments here and there regarding relationships being traps. But then when we are alone sometimes he lets he's wall down and I see how much he loves me it makes it all worth it. 

I find myself in my head a lot. And he's told me he's the same. I do my best to prove to him I'm not like the ones that came after/before me (however you look at it). I'm not going to run around on him or manipulate him, I'm not conniving or selfish. I want him to be happy, to spend time with his kids or buddies or whatever. I want to be a part of his life and to make him happy, feel loved and appreciated. I want to grow old together and make lots of wonderful memories. I want to enjoy life with him not cause him another heartache. I want him to look at me and smile because he knows I'm his. 

If love and life was easy we wouldn't appreciate it. I'm not perfect by a long shot but I love my man with all I am.