LOA during a Pandemic

I don't know if the pandemic brought on the migraine or what but here it was! I saw my doctor multiple times with no relief. She actually told me if it kept on to make a trip to the ER... 😳 That scared the shit out of me. We are in the heat of a fucking pandemic and I'm being told to go to ER!! I finally had to give in. I just couldn't take it anymore. My son was to overwhelmed with the idea of going anywhere near the hospital so my ex drove me down to Salisbury. I've had better luck going over the state line to that hospital... I was taken back right away. I went over everything going on. I'm focusing on my head but I also mentioned the chest/shoulder/arm pain.. Next thing I know I'm hooked up to all kinds of monitors, EKG is being done, blood is being drawn, x-rays and MRI is being ordered...omg 

Test are coming back my heart is fine. I never thought it was my heart and made that clear buttttt no one was listening! Once they decided I wasn't having a heart attack they started concentrating on the massive migraines I'm boohooing about (after I threw up) yep it was that bad. They hooked me up to an IV for an ER migraine cocktail! It barely touched my head. 

The ER doc came in with the MRI results. She said they didn't see anything major and went over a laundry list of the next steps I should take. Setting up appointments for my primary doctor, seeing a Neurologist, having my eyes checked and possibly touching base with my Endocrinologist. Then they sent me on my way...

I'm so frustrated and in so much pain. At this point I know I'm not going to be able to go back to work so I start the process to extend my time off into a Leave of Absence. Omg that really showed me how much my bosses didn't give a fuck about me as a person real quick. But at this point I'm in so much pain I'm not functioning. I'm having horrible Neurological issues. 

I'm not going to go into play by play but over the next several months I go through the list of should does from the ER. My eyes are fine. My primary decides I may have a gallbladder issue and takes me down that route. The first Neurologist informs me I have Chiara Malformation I, gives me a list of don't do's and starts me on Emgality then sends me on my way to not be seen again for 3 months 😳. 

Okay my head is spiking so I'm stopping here for now.  Thanks for hanging out with me ❤️

Life is upside down....

Life is so upside down and inside out...

I know where the fuck have I been? I don't even know where to begin!

2020 Was supposed be my year of great changes....We all know 2020 was the year of WTF!!! for everyone. 

My year of change was planned out...

New Job

Ridding my life of Toxic People

Getting my Finances straight

Building myself up 

Getting back in shape

Making new friends

Finding myself

And hopefully finding a good man

Well none of that worked out at all! I don't even know where to start...damn 

Ok well I did get a new job that seemed great until the pandemic hit... essential business meant that we were short-handed and overrun with people who were bored on quarantine! I made a few videos about it and ruffled quite a few feathers of some friends with my thoughts... For once I didn't care who I upset! I let it be known what I thought. Found out some I thought were true friends weren't annnnd that's okay. If it meant I was alone so be it. I was done with fake friends. 

Working during a pandemic in an essential business is bullshit! Yea I said it. I found my Empath self being overwhelmed with darkness. But being the workaholic I am I pushed through it!!! I pushed and pushed until my body literally said Fuck you I'm done!! I thought I had been infected by one of the hundreds of inconsiderate people whole felt the pandemic was a Democratic hoax...I had all the symptoms except the respiratory failure. I was scared I won't lie but test came back negative. So I went back to work. 12 hour shift 6 days a week exhausted and doing my best to not throat punch anyone!! But my body kept fighting me. I was stressed and wearing a mask my head by the end of my shift was almost impossible. I was covering so many departments and doing my best to get everything done..my boss just wasn't getting it! She continued to push for more. Expectations were outrageous to meet most shifts. I found myself doing work I knew was to much for me. One of my closing shifts I was flagging for the forklift driver out back trying to get shit filled. It was raining, he was hurrying and turned on me to quickly with a load knocking me down... What did I do I got up and walked it off!!! I mentioned it to my ASM but no report was done..why because holy hell would have come down on me! We already had 3 others that had filed an accident in the last week or so. You know me team player! I know you don't have say anything. I honestly didn't realize how hurt I was at the time...and truly didn't find out for several months. 

Then I lost my Aunt to Covid-19. I was broken! Because of the pandemic I wasn't able to go to the funeral or grieve with my family. Again I was alone. I missed a few days of work. I just couldn't do it. I know, I know that's not like me but between everything I just couldn't. I was in both emotional and physical pain at this point. Instead of getting sympathy for my loss and understanding I got bullshit over my departments. 

We were running on a skeleton crew and I had fucked up by showing my bosses I could do the work of several employees. I earned 3 customer service awards in less than two months. I was running from one department to another covering and preparing for a Corp visit. Plus helping the front end covering lunches and breaks..oh and running and filling online orders. Then my body said "fuck this" again. I had had a migraine everyday for over a month. It was getting so bad I was getting sick and having blackouts. None of the meds I had were working. And omg I was having this horrible pain starting in my chest radiating thru my shoulder and down my arm. I finally had to give in and see a doctor.....

Okay that's enough for now my head is pounding. Time to take some meds and rest. I'll try to post more tomorrow. Goodnight ❤️