Meeks Temper not a very good excuse....

I have a problem with my temper at times. I can throw out there that I am Irish, that I am a Meeks or whatever...none of it is a real reason to allow myself to loose my temper the way I do sometimes. My kids deal with it and go on...they have learned to let me cool down and then all is good. I genuinely feel bad afterwards and apologize for getting so upset over what ends up being nothing. My kids love me very much and have learned not to take it personal....

My Husband on the other hand takes it very personal and does not let it go. If I argue back at him for any reason its personal to him...I am attacking him personally. I do say the stupidest things at times and sometimes I am very hurtful...in the moment I feel I am justified, I am defending myself in someway. Not saying it is right. He also says things...he feels he is being attack so he defends himself. Sometimes he comes back at me very harshly, other times he shuts down completely and refuses to have anything to do with me. And for him the hard feelings don't go away. He holds on to them.

After I calm down (which is usually with in minutes) I am always regretful of the incident....I don't know why I allow myself to get so worked up. Even now as I am typing this I want to defend myself for the argument last night.

I want to re-hash it to prove I wasn't meaning to attack him only having a heated discussion over a movie. I feel he talks at me about stuff like this but not with me. Usually I don't say much during conversation like this but for some unknown reason last night I felt the need to open my big ass mouth and started an argument...to the point I waved my finger in the air (not actually in his face but he felt it was in his face) trying to make my point. I was wrong I should not have gotten so excited. We both had our opinion about the subject...I cooled down and was fine. He slept on the couch and is still not talking to me. Is it suppose to be like this?

Why can my kids understand me but the man I have been married to for over 15 years not? I hate this. I feel like a horrible person. I hate that he is upset with me and I hurt his feeling again. He is the one person in my life that I cannot stand to be upset with me. It physically hurts me to have him not talking to me. He means so much to me and in his eyes I treat him like a punching bag....he got those words from me the last time we had an argument like this--it was true then, I had had a extremely bad day I thought he was razzing me about an incident the night before and went off--really over the top off. I was very ashamed of myself once I calmed down.

I don't know how to control this. I am afraid he is going to leave me if I cannot figure away to stop doing this. I don't want to lose him. Especially not over something as stupid as me not controlling my temper. I am no better than my Dad. I may not physically abuse my husband but he feels emotionally abused by me.

When it rains,,,,,,,

The weather a of late has been so unusual say the least. Its great for my store, the more it rains more people need something to do..Yes I can help you find something to do!

I have some issue I am working on at work. My dream team is still a work in progress. The manager I thought was a god send has turned into the biggest pain in the ass!

I finally have all the managers in place now to get the right associates in place, I don't know what else to say tonight....I have had a hellish day and I am dosing off,,