Empty today

I am feeling very empty today. I really want to help my husband and I can't. He is worrying himself to death over the bills...Being without my pay is a huge loss for us. I need to find a way to bring in some kind of income while I am in career limbo.  I feel so horrible about our situation. I know it is all my fault.

I have so many things just out of my reach at this point. I am so frustrated! I don't know what to do. I am getting pretty desperate.

I really wanted to take this opportunity to make a change in my life..but all I am doing is selling myself to the first retail store that will take me. I am better than this. I have been a hard ass strong Manager that deserves to be fought over not me groveling.

I don't really want much....I want a job that I feel good about, that I can dress nice and be appreciated. A place that I enjoy going to everyday, somewhere that I can make a difference. Is what I am wanting unrealistic? I don't want anything handed to me...I will work for it. I am a hard worker, really I am. I have always put everything I have into my job.

I will continue my search and pray that the new door will open soon.....hopefully before we are out on the streets:(

I am so empty inside........................

August 29, 2012

Today started with me fixing eggs for my son...Something I would have never had time or energy to do. I love being able to do that simple thing. I enjoy being here to see him off to school. I never realized how much I had missed.

After taking him to school I prepared for my 10 am interview with the DM at the store in the same complex as BBB. I was all ready to go when Liz surprised with me a call. She was thinking about me and wanted check in. It was the little distraction I needed:)

The interview went well...it was another hour and half one. Which I have thought went well before and ended with out a job offer. The DM (Reggie) reminded me of an old DM I had at BBB that I liked and loved me....I did great while he was the DM.

Reggie talked about how fast the company is growing and the need for strong managers to fill the opening spots. He talked about me getting started right away and being fully trained to open a new store coming to the Berlin area. I was caught up in the energy of the moment and said I would love that opportunity.

I have no idea what I really want anymore....one moment I am wanted to scale back not be the boss of a big store to being energized over the possibility of being the top dog of a multi billion dollar corp? grrr what the hell.

I have a lot of soul searching to do that is for sure. I need some guidance! I need to get rid of this damn headache so I can think more clearly

Aug 28 2012

So we haven't completely sunk the ship yet, hubby says we can stay a float probably another week.

I have my second interview with Marshalls tomorrow finally. I had a first interview with Michaels yesterday...it a little further to drive but the opportunity of advancement faster (question is do I want advancement--or do I want a job for now and keep looking for the read deal, the dream job).

Both my hubby and I have applied for a sweet job at the local college as Manager of the bookstore. I am not sure how I feel on that. So far every time we have both went after the same job I have come away with the job...but I really think he would be great at it and it would make him so much happier than he is right now. He really needs a change.

I know that perfect job is out there crying for me....why can't I find it. I really thought the Ashley job was it...sigh

I am extremely stressed this morning. I had my phone interview with unemployment. It seemed to go ok but now he has to contact BBB for their rebut. He said depending on what information he gets from that conversation he may have another interview with me or he may make his decision. It could be another week before I will know either way. I feel like shit right this moment just thinking about what they will say--call me a liar. I put way to much into that damn place and allowed them to take way so much of me....my soul.

I have to remember what I have been through and where I want to go from here. I have to close the door on that chapter of my life. I can not dwell on it. It will eat me alive.

Monday, Aug 13, 2012

The Irish Queen Blog

It’s been 21 days since I quit BBB. I really thought I would have a new job by now….a better job with less stress. Instead I have no job and more stress.

I finally received my No Thank You letter today from Ashley Furniture. I guess my instincts are way off. Part of me still thought I had gotten the job right up until I opened the letter.

I have an interview tomorrow with a company in the same shopping center as bbb. Strange part is I never sent them a resume or applied to them? The manager called me to see if I was still interested in a job. She stated that she had been forwarded my resume from she thought my secretary?? So strange. Anyway I will dress nicely and go do my best to charm her into giving me a job.

I haven’t been able to enjoy the time off I have had due to stressing over not having a job. That is so messed up. If I could have hung on just a little longer, If I had realized how close the estate settlement was, If I had just stepped back and reasoned it all out, maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation. I would not be in the state of grrr!

My self-esteem is almost totally in the toilet. I will suck it up tomorrow for my interview because that is what I do. I really just want a job at this point….I need a job! I will worry after that about what I want next. I just need to start bring home a paycheck or we are sunk.

Where did I leave off....

Grr I have no idea where I left off and have no desire to actually take the time to go back and look....not lazy just ummm don't care this morning.

Update first I suppose. Over the last week my kids ran away, that is they went to hang out else where for the week. Con went to his grandparents and Liz went to Carey's Camp with her other family.

I had 2 interviews that I felt went exceptionally well with a local Furniture store that is nationally known. They are wanting to fill the position quite quickly and from the conversations I had with the 4 interviewers I seems perfect.....so now I am waiting for the offer.  I won't lie I am excited about this position. Its less money than BBB but I am learning I made really good money with them and didn't know it at the time. I get to wear dressy clothes and be pretty:). I will be in charge of 9-18 sales associates-- training them, keeping them motivated and on track to making sales goals. I will be home every night by 7:30. I will be able to take my son to school everyday. So many positives...don't get me wrong the pay is a big negative but if I can negotiate it a little it will be worth the it! I hope to hear something tomorrow! I NEED A JOB and this would be a great way to start a new career in a new field.....

Back to the kids: Connor had fun at his grandparents but didn't do anything really exciting just the normal.

Liz had more fun....she always does when she goes out to camp. She came home sick:( she always seems to do that also. She also had a chance to go shopping with that side. She has almost everything she needs for college now. Which is good because its only a few weeks away.

Do I want to get into that.....another reason why I hope I get the job.