Anxiety

I can not express how much anxiety I am experiencing right now!! I am on my way to the cancer center for my re-staging results. I am sure I am fine but I can't get it out of my head the cancer could be back.

I feel like my experience was way to easy looking back. Don't get me wrong while I was going through it it was pure hell!! I hid a lot of it from everyone. I tried to never let myself break down in front of anyone. I did not want anyone to know how scared I was--I needed to be strong for them so that they were strong for me. But now looking back--I'm afraid the worst isn't over yet.

I promise I will give you a brief history of my cancer experience one day but not yet. When I do it I want to do it right.

I could cry right now. We are about 7 minutes from the center--I don't even have to look up to know this--I can feel it. My heart is racing, the tears are in my eyes, my stomach is aching. I am sure it is all for nothing.....I keep telling myself that but I don't seem to be listening very well today.

I feel so bad for my husband and son. The poor guys are sick and having to put up with my anxiety shit today just isn't right. They are being angels to me as always. They deserve a wife/mom that is stronger!  I wish I could be my old self again.  I would love to go back in time and change this part of my life.