Darkness

 Made a mistake and come out of my rabbit hole... WTF was I thinking 🤔. Sometimes the darkness just takes me. It's lonely and consuming. But I thought I was okay. Thought it was going to be a good day. What was I thinking seriously! 

I need to be able to let things just roll off my back. Let people go. I can't control what they think of me nor is it any of my business! All it does is eat away at me. Make me feel like a Ragdoll no one really wants. 

Im better than this. I preach to others about their self worth and how beautiful they are.. why because I don't want anyone feeling the way I do! I don't want them crying in the darkness like I do. I don't want them crushed under the broken pieces of their inner being. Beaten and bruised by the insecurities magnified by judgemental assholes who have no fucking clue only perceptions. 

I know I'm a nobody but this nobody does her best to be the light for others even when I'm in my own darkness. As far as those judgemental self righteous asses up on their high horses looking down on me maybe just maybe if they'd taken the time to learn my past they'd understand why I do some of the things I do. 

When I'm hurt or depressed I have shitty coping mechanism. I know. It's not an excuse but maybe just maybe it's an explanation other than what they assumed. So now I'm doing my best to fight my darkness and my walls are up.